You plan your summer carefully. The trips, the hangouts, the playlists, your cute swimsuits and outfits. You think about who you want to spend your time with and what you want your summer to look like. Then there’s your sibling (or maybe for you it’s siblings—with an s). Already in the kitchen. Already in your space. Already a lot!

Whether you have one or five, summer has a way of turning up the volume on every sibling relationship in your family. More time together means more opportunity for both connection and conflict. It can feel like surviving is the only option. But what if this summer, instead of just putting up with your siblings, you actually leaned in?

Your sibling relationships are actually your longest-running collab! You don’t get to pick them, you can’t just quit them whenever you feel like it. And they might just be some of the most important ones in your lifetime. God didn’t accidentally place you and your siblings in the same family. He did it on purpose and for a purpose. Proverbs 17:17 tells us that “a friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.” The unique thing about siblings is that they see all of you. The morning version. The moody version. The version without a filter or mask.

Don’t get me wrong. I know summer can feel intense with all the togetherness. Hours at home, family road trips, and plenty of opportunities to be stretched in all the ways. There are so many moments when patience is required, and kindness has to be a choice (because it is definitely not what you are feeling). Am I right?

We all know it’s easy to let your light shine at youth group, while hanging out with friends at the pool, or leading a group of younger kids at VBS. It’s not a big deal to be encouraging and gracious when other people are watching. I know when I was growing up, the sister my siblings saw was definitely not the same girl everyone else experienced. I remember my sister telling me she wished I was her babysitter instead of her sister because maybe then I would be nicer to her. Ouch! That moment stuck with me because it was true. It was so easy to save my best self for the people I was trying to impress.

But how you treat your sibling when no one is applauding you for it? That’s where your light really shows. Maybe you’re feeling a little bit like I did when my sister called me out. The good news is that it’s not too late to make a change. You don’t have to overhaul the whole relationship in an instant. Start with one small thing. Let them pick the show or the game (without the sigh). Ask about something they care about, even if it’s not something you’re into. Use your words to encourage. Ephesians 4:29 reminds us to only say what is “helpful for building others up according to their needs.” Be the one who makes the first move toward a good memory or gets something fun started.

You won’t get it right every time. There will still be arguments over nothing and moments where you are absolutely not anyone’s idea of a shining light (believe me, I’ve been there). That’s where grace comes in. The beauty of walking with Jesus is that His mercy is new every morning. This summer, what would it look like to pray for your sibling? To pray for patience for yourself? To ask Him to strengthen you to show His love to your brother or sister? Jesus loved people unconditionally and without running out of patience, and He can help you do the same.

Your longest running collab is waiting. It might take humility and some apologies along the way. 

But the girl who learns to love well at home? She’s building something that lasts a whole lot longer than summer. What’s one small way you could show up differently for your sibling this week? Write it down and try it!