Hey girl! Have you ever been in a situation where you knew you should say “no” or walk away, but you went along with the crowd instead? You knew what you were doing wasn’t right or honoring to the Lord, but you cared more about what your friends thought of you than what God thought? We’ve all been there. Saying “no” and standing up for what is right can be harder than it seems, especially when you’re surrounded by friends and feeling the pressure to fit in.

So what’s a Jesus-loving girl supposed to do?

Well, let’s have some real talk about refusal skills. That’s right! We have to learn how to say “no” even when you might want to say “yes.” To do what’s right, even when it’s hard. You may be like, “Girl, I know how to say no.” But as a teen girl just like you, I can say that I struggle with this A LOT. So I’m not here to be a life coach, let’s just talk through a game plan for when saying “no” gets hard.

Maybe you can relate to this: a couple of months ago toward the end of the school year, my friends and I started making playlists on our school computers. We were totally testing boundaries and breaking rules, but instead of having refusal skills and using my “no” well, I went with the crowd—and I got caught.

Have you ever had to meet with the principal? Well, I had to. It still gives me a knot in my stomach to think about that meeting. The pool of sweat forming, the hard beats my heart made, the stuttering, the tension… girl—let me tell you—it was the absolute worst! Of course, this all wouldn’t have happened if I had just said one word: NO! And if we’re real, I can totally see why this is hard. You may not want your friend group falling apart because of your decisions. You might want boys to think you're cool and don’t follow rules. And all of our worst nightmares, including mine, is to not be “that girl”—you know the goody-two-shoes that everyone stays away from, or the girl that everyone hates because she acts perfect and better. Those are the exact reasons why I did the playlists… because I wanted to be the cool and popular one.

What I’ve learned from that awful experience is to listen to the holy nudge your bff—the Holy Spirit—is giving you. After all, Holy Spirit = Holy Vibes, am I right? If we listen to that Holy Spirit nudge, we’ll be better for it. I also learned to not be bothered by what other people think of me. As Kaase always says, “Stay salty, sis!” And that is the most real thing you will ever hear. God really does call us to stand out and honor Him, even when it’s hard! Now, temptation is also a real thing, too, and we need to be prepared to use our refusal skills when we’re tempted. Here’s a Bible verse to remember: 1 Corinthians 10:13 says, “...God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide the way of escape.” Now, this doesn’t mean He’ll tell you what to do right in the moment, or that He won’t give you any temptations in life. BUT, He will give you the Holy Spirit, and He will guide you and help you through the tough times. If you listen to His voice, He’ll always direct your paths.

Back to refusal skills—let me give you a scenario that might happen. Maybe your bestie asks you to do something you’re ABSOLUTELY NOT allowed to do. You don’t want to be the lonely girl… BUT, you don’t want to break the rules and not follow that holy nudge you’re getting. What you want to do is hard, and following the crowd seems easy. I want you to take a moment and ask yourself what you would do in that situation. Be honest with yourself! Now let me give you a suggestion on what to say if this ever comes up: just kindly and warmly say “no.” You can explain why and say, “I’m not trying to tell you what to do, but I want to let you know I can’t do this.” I GET that this will be hard, nerve-racking, and maybe even one of your worst days. But sis, you are not alone! Thousands of girls (including me) are going through this every single day! And guess what? 

You saying “no” might give one of your friends the courage to say “no” too!

And guess what? No matter what your friends think, doing what’s right will honor God. There’s nothing better than that! Here are three steps that will make saying “no” SO MUCH easier:

1.) Look for that holy nudge we’ve been talking about and if you feel it, that’s your sign.

2.) Think about what you’re being asked to do (or are already doing) and ask yourself, “Does this honor God?”

3.) Just gently say: “No.” If they’re still pressuring you to do it, don’t follow them, just refuse and walk away from the situation. It won’t be easy. But it will be worth it every time!! 

I encourage you to go read Matthew chapter 4. When you read it, you’ll see that even Jesus was tempted and had to have refusal skills… maybe you can even relate with Him. Girl, I have ENJOYED my time with you today. Remember: you are NOT ALONE!

Hope you take this to heart and really reflect on it. Thanks for reading and I hope you’re in your happiest era! Stay salty and make God proud!