A student confided in me this week with tears barely kept in check, “I think I am my worst hater.” This is a relatable struggle and we need to know what to do about it, because we are only stuck in the quick sand of insecurity if we choose to be. Unfortunately, I sometimes choose to remain in the ick for a while, but eventually it becomes suffocating and I look for a way out. God has shown me three things we can do to get unstuck. I work in a public school, so I can’t blatantly share about Jesus. But I can share the truth He’s given without sharing the Scripture part. Here is what I told the student who confided in me…

First, not every thought is true or good or worthy to analyze. I like to think in pictures, it helps me remember things. So, here is a picture for our thought life. Have you ever been apple picking? If so, you know that a good and healthy tree has two kinds of apples growing - delicious/healthy apples and rotten/wormy apples. It is the job of the picker to look at each apple closely and decide which ones are good enough to go in the basket to take home with you. What do you do with the rotten apples? Do you hold them, chew on them, take them to bed with you at night? No! You simply toss them! It is the exact same thing with our thoughts. Our mind is the tree. And growing on that precious, beautiful tree are good thoughts and rotten ones. When rotten thoughts come - we don’t need to question the goodness of the tree, we need to recognize the rotten apple for what it is and then toss it. Scripture takes this deeper: the Bible teaches us this in 2 Corinthians 10:5b (NIV) “...and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” You can think of bringing the rotten apple out of the darkness and into the light of the love and power of Jesus. If you do that, the rotten thought will lose potency and wither.

The second truth that helps fight that hater voice in our heads is to recognize it isn’t you. You aren’t the person you are fighting against. You aren’t the problem. You have an enemy that uses comparison, culture, confusion, social pressure and insecurity against you. The voice of insecurity is something I like to picture as a troll - the insecurity troll. And when it whispers, I can choose not to listen. I can choose to say to that voice, “You are a liar and I don’t believe the words you whisper. There is no truth in you.” Scripture takes this deeper too: In John 10:10 (NIV), Jesus Himself said, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” Jesus doesn’t call the enemy the insecurity troll, He calls him “The thief.” Any whisper that hurts you, shuts you down, and makes you want to hide is coming from “The thief.” It is not a voice worthy of your attention. You can pray and ask Jesus to help you battle the thief and listen to His voice instead.

Third, and most important. If you remove something, it is very important to replace it. If not, the old thing can sweep back into that empty spot. I coach students about the power of truth statements. Replacing lies, negativity, and insecure thoughts with things they know to be true. And I help them identify truth statements they can trust. I ask them to reflect, repeat, re-read and journal these truth statements over and over, whenever the negative thoughts come. A very important part of this is also choosing to be around people who remind us of truth - the truth of our worth, the truth of our value, the truth of joy and goodness and laughter, and the truth of who loves us. I encourage you to make your own personal list that you continue adding to. But again, Scripture deepens this: Jesus teaches us about the power of truth when He says in John 8:32 (NIV), “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” Notice He said you will know the truth, not that you would feel the truth. We don’t always feel it. But we can choose to know it, speak it, meditate on it, write it, pray over it, and put our faith in the ultimate Truth that God created us to be His and Jesus made a way for us to draw near because He delights in us. The struggle is real, but so is the power of the Truth.