* Though these letters are written through the lens of sports, they are really for any girl who may face disappointment, success, or feel overlooked this year—whether she is on the court, in the classroom, or on the stage. 

To the girl who didn’t make the cut:

Sweet one, I am so very sorry. I have firsthand experienced the pain of rejection you are going through. Words don’t do it justice. It hurts to the core. You feel unworthy, unwanted, unseen.

I’ll put it plainly: this downright STINKS!

Go ahead and ugly cry on your mom’s lap while she rubs your back. I give you full permission to eat an entire tub of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. Put on your comfiest pajamas and watch a romcom. Harness your inner “sad girl energy.”

But then, after you take time to feel the sadness, I want you to do something for me.

This is going to look more like the Kingdom of Heaven than the kingdom of this world. It’s going to be different than what the girls around you may do. It’s going to be hard.

I want you to wipe your eyes, dust off your shoulders, and do what Jesus would do: go to the games or performances and cheer on your friends who made the team or show. Try your best not to talk behind the backs of the coaches, complaining that they were just picking favorites (even if they were!). Use uplifting and kind speech toward all girls, whether they made the team or not.

And then? Work hard in the offseason and try again. Let this rejection be the fire in your belly—fuel for a comeback next season.

Can I also give you another option? Maybe this isn’t your sport or your thing. I know that is hard to hear, but just because everyone else is doing it doesn’t mean it’s where you shine. Maybe God is closing this door to open another one somewhere else.

Go try out for the school play! Go take an art class! Go horseback riding! Use the “no” to explore other possible “yeses.” Your teen years are the best place to do that!

Overall, please hear this: I am deeply sorry for this painful loss of a dream. But… you not making the team does not define you. You are so loved, seen, and worthy. I pray that God will use this trial to show you how strong and resilient you truly are.

To the girl who made the team:

Girl, YES and YAY and AHHH! I am happy-jumping with you right now!

This is so exciting, and I am proud of you. I know it took a lot of hard work, effort, and bravery to get here—and you did it!

So take the time to celebrate. Go out to dinner with family. Get the celebratory ice cream cone. Have fun getting to know your new teammates. Enjoy the celebration of a job well done.

But then, after you celebrate, I want you to do something for me.

It may look different than what a lot of your teammates are doing, but it is going to look a lot like the character of Jesus. Being on the team is a gift and an amazing opportunity—one that can show the heart of Jesus to others.

So use this opportunity well:

Be a good teammate who is kind and encouraging, one who respects her coaches and teammates. Show up every day to practice ready to work hard and do your best (not to continue proving your worth, but to continue being the player you know you are!).

Be very aware that though you made the team, many girls did not—and those girls are hurting and feel left out because of it. Make every effort to love and encourage them too. Don’t ignore or push them out of a friend group simply because they didn’t make the team.

Remember, being on the team this season is amazing, but it is not where your identity lies. People will remember how you treated them far more than they will remember any awesome play you made. I am proud of you and know you will do fantastic on the team—as an athlete, an example to others, and as a daughter of the King. Let’s go, girl!

To the girl who sits the bench:

Hey girl. First, biggest congrats on making the team! You did it. You worked hard, and you are here. I hope you took the time to celebrate!

I want you to hear this: You are seen. You are valued. You are still a part of this team even when it doesn’t feel like it. But yes, this is a tricky spot to be in.

Feelings get all muddled when you feel wanted and then unwanted at the same time. When you feel like you constantly have to prove yourself every single practice (even though you already “proved yourself” at tryouts). When you feel like any tiny mistake you make on the court will have you sitting the bench for the next five games.

It’s going to be challenging to do what I’m about to ask. Jesus often asks us to do hard things. But if you lean into it, it can completely change your season.

First, continue to show up and work hard, working unto the Lord even when it feels like no one sees. He sees, and your reward will be great (just maybe not this season).

Try your best not to bad-mouth coaches or other players (even when it feels like they might deserve it!). Hurtful gossip often circles back to only hurt and embitter you.

Be the loudest cheerleader the bench has ever seen! This may be your greatest and most important role. You may be the reason some girl feels like she can keep going. You may be the one who gets in the other team’s heads! This can all be game-changing!

Overall, remember that this is just a season. Every season brings different coaches and different girls. You may get to play all the time next season (and I pray you do!). I promise, you are so much more than where you stand (or sit) on the team. You are HIS! And you are seen and valued through it all.